The Riddle

Of all the talk I had with my Daddy since childhood, this song reminded me so much of him when things weighed me down and I’ve always been a fan of this song since middle school. It is  about you and the universe. Hope you do enjoy this song as much as i do, and hey.. i dropped the lyrics too… 😛

~The Riddle by Five For Fighting~

There was a man back in ’95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what’s the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see… You will see

Then he said,

Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can’t live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I’m big but we’re smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we’re nothing at all
Still every mother’s child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

I said,

Son for all I’ve told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world…
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we’re not wise enough to see

He said… You looking for a clue I Love You free…

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel’s eyes
A song plays on while the moon is high over me
Something comes over me

I guess we’re big and I guess we’re small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we’re all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

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Layak?

The possibility of making our dreams comes true, that makes life interesting even more.

This has been one thing or two that i will never stop to show people around me. Because pity are those who keep thinking they are open-minded enough yet they were not, at all. Naive!

And ahhhhhhhhh akhirnya punya waktu juga untuk membuka laman ini.

Periode yg menguras energy sudah berkurang dan setelah sekian lama penantian, aku menemukan adanya secercah harapan yg bisa aku genggam. Selain urusan waktu, perasaan, keluarga dan financial awareness (ya, FINANCIAL AWARENESS AND UTILITY kawan-kawan. Psikologis keuangan itu sangat penting walaupun bukan yg paling penting, toh? Catat!), Tuhan akhirnya membukakan sendiri pintuNya bahkan tanpa aku minta! Sebelumnya sudah banyak mengetuk, asli gak diwarooooo tapi kali ini…dua pintu sekaligus. Yang satu sudah nyata,  tapi yang satu masih menimbang kemampuan. Maklum, aku sering digerogoti keraguan karena banyak gagal sebelumnya. Matik.

Tapi lain dengan perasaan ini. Kerinduan ini. Rasa cinta ini. Keyakinan ini. Aku tahu benar kemana ini semua akan mengarah. Dan lucunya … selalu ada-ada saja cara Tuhan menggiringku ke sana bahkan ketika aku enggan. Tapi, kenapa tidak? :p

Aku tak perlu menulis detil alasan aku menulis disini, toh blog itu adalah wadah ekspresi bebas..karena aku ini banyak diberkati untuk banyak memberkati juga, betul?

Di luar urusan segala tetek bengek soal hubungan yang sudah lama sekali tak banyak diurusi, aku menekankan kembali lewat post ini.

Setiap orang itu layak dicintai TEPAT seperti yang mereka butuhkan masing-masing, dipahami oleh yang sama-sama sedang mengalami dan orang-orang di luar itu, bukan seperti apa yang orang lain pikirkan atau di-dikte-kan apalagi pakai gaya teori segala mentang-mentang lulusan luar negeri. Dengan segala keterbatasan yg dimiliki, kita ini hanya memampukan diri sesuai kapasitas yg sedang kita punya untuk menjadi lebih besar.

Adalah tanggung jawab kita untuk bisa selalu berkembang dengan apapun itu yg ada di tangan kita, untuk mencintai dunia. Bukannya karena tuntutan orang lain zzzz. Dan aku sangat menentang keras segala jenis orang-orang yang apatis pada perkembangan karena mengurung diri.

Ups and downs? Jangan ditanya. Siklus yang sudah dilalui pun tak terhitung. Sudah baja. Tapi dari itu semua kita ini mengerti kalau kita butuh didampingi orang-orang yang memiliki kapasitas yg sama ketika sedang banyak ditantang situasi. Tak hanya didampingi tapi juga dicintai dengan baik oleh orang-orang yang mengerti apa yg sedang kita alami dalam realita kita, bukan mencampuradukkan dengan realita orang lain.

Aku jadi memahami apa perkataan sesepuh terdahulu. Laki-laki yang masih sibuk menjadikan perempuan sebagai bemper ego masa lalu itu sangat belum layak  meminta atau pun menerima cinta dari perempuan mana pun.

Mengapa? Karena jenis-jenis ini masih mencari bentuk kedewasaan dgn membenturkan hubungan dari satu perempuan ke perempuan lainnya, mengharapkan loncatan demi loncatan mental. Buta melihat karakter dalam realita semu. Sesumbar mulut manis yg tidak terlepas dari umur mereka, daun tua, daun terlalu tua atau pun daun muda alias para dedek berondong yang lucu-lucu dengan ego yg terluka hingga mereka yang memasang jebakan hubungan ringan kesana kemari.

Karena aku ini selalu tidak percaya dengan omongan semata atau pun sekedar paradigm menemukan the one yang serta merta.Mungkin saja ini efek terlalu banyak mendengar perempuan lain curhat.

Mau dikatakan punya trust issue pada laki-laki juga silahkan, faktanya laki-laki jaman sekarang itu banyak yg belum bisa dipercaya. Mereka butuh inspirasi dari yg katanya innate character tapi faktanya ia sendiri pun jelas-jelas tak punya … memang ya laki jaman sekarang itu garink dan kurang melek jaman, sementara perempuan itu butuh sosok laki-laki yang jauh lebih tangguh dan punya karakter pelindung yg baik, bukan sweet words saja macam “I feel what i feel for you” atau pun “how would you feel if i never tell you these things”.. termasuk rentetan email mantan. Ironis ya pria jaman sekarang?

Dan dengan hormat dan kasih sayang, semua sudah selayaknya dikembalikan dengan manis kepada yg empunya, dengan sempurna. As much as i’ve expected from his bluntness since the beginning i saw this one, he has been a very lovely cycle breaker i’ve been waiting in my life, at the least.😘

Di mataku, tidak ada yg benar atau pun salah dalam semua jenis hubungan, lantas akhirnya aku jadi tergelak sangat geli melihat hasil pergulatan egoku sendiri di masa lalu. Dan semakin tidak tertarik lah aku ini pada jenis hubungan jaman sekarang. Sisi jiwa feminisku sangat berperan besar kali ini.

Silahkan direfleksikan sementara aku masih harus mengolah sumber energyku sejak kecil, yaitu Art, Engineering dan Business Intelligence. Mau bagaimanapun aku ini masih saja tetap berbinar kalau sedang memadukan 3 miracle ini, apalagi kalau sudah bertemu sesama yang brainal juga.

(dancing mood)

Jadi.. Sudah layak kah kamu ini menerima berkat yg lebih besar dengan kapasitas yg seharusnya? I leave this question to you darlings. I’m gonna be off for a few months to another revelation of my dreams coming true in reality.

>:D >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D

Aku rasa sepi paling memekakkan itu seperti ini: kau tiba-tiba tersadar belum menemukan satu pun orang tempat kau bisa mencurahkan dirimu sepenuh-penuhnya tanpa rasa takut atau waswas, dan dia menyahutimu seperti yang benar-benar kaubutuhkan tanpa kau perlu mengatakannya sama sekali.

Dan definisi mengerikan adalah orang-orang yang bosan dengan hidupnya. Mereka ini bisa melenceng keluar tanpa memikirkan dampaknya lalu menyerempet orang lain demi kepuasan sesaat. Mereka bisa membuat kamu merasa diinginkan bahkan dicintai, padahal tidak. Mereka hanya bosan dan kamu hanya pengalih perhatian yang cocok dengan kebutuhannya saat itu. Tidak pernah benar-benar nyata, bahkan untuk hidupnya sendiri.

No Thing

Body is just a shelter system for the soul. Functional matter, dears.

A system is only trying to help and simplify the mundane daily life but never made to make life easier or make sense.

And some people only have to bring any glimpse of your past when they’re threatened by your present. Then… why would you bother on how people stabbing at your back?

Driven by quiet rant of rich thoughts, all of us make a compromise, between norms and our true self.

As humanity needs to be understood by looking within and befriending ourselves, which question would you like to pick for you now?

Which one is better and which one is less? Which one is good and which one is bad?

Nobody can be themselves completely. Nobody likes themselves completely. Nobody loves other persons completely. Nobody listens to their intuitions completely. Nobody is meant for each other completely. Nobody gives compliments completely. Nobody earns their dreams completely. Nobody listens to other people’s opinions completely. Nobody loves other people unconditionally completely. Nobody feels sorry for their mistakes completely. Nobody means their promises completely. Nobody feels grateful for their existence completely.

Mixed feelings is something you can’t really explain but you know exactly how it feels.

You love your idealism more than you love someone, my dear.

You love your moments of solitude more than you may love something or someone.

It’s understanding but at the same time also demanding too much.

It’s accepting but at the same time never feel good enough.

It’s listening but at the same time talking someone’s back.

And it’s no thing because there are so many things in nothing. More important than any important things you have learned all of your life. Nothing is the most beautiful thing in the world because in nothing the possibility is endless. Everything is nothing and nothing is everything. From zero you can become one hundred and be back to zero again. But how you construct everything back to nothing needs more courage and brain and planning.

And when your happiness is always urgent…Can you stop being so basic and just be nothing before anything else growing in you?

Because when everyone becomes nothing, that’s when everything will become beautiful again, out of any arrogance form in the world.

(Serba serbi air of thoughts akhir tahun 2016 hasil celingukan dan membaca untaian emosi asing yg lincah berseliweran pun selesai sudah)

PS : Thank you miss Bohang for all beautiful pictures and words, it is all inspiring for this post.

Catching Sunshine

One way or another, being a highly energy sensitive person has been a double edge sword in my whole life. I may not be prone on explaining too much on this part but one thing for sure, a constant influx of external energy from one’s environment or one certain dear person can be overwhelming in prolong period of time.

That is merely because being a natural empaths also means you are able to feel the full spectrum of human emotion whilst get spiritually attuned and may absorb other people’s emotion like a sponge intensely, including a kind of “angst-sucking sponges”, plus when you see visionary things some people just don’t..  And when you ‘receive’ plus ‘got squished’ too much, then you are at the edge of your balance. Beep beep…That’s when my alarm get loud though. Errr~

When you habitually invalidate or turn off a part of yourself like this, it eventually just shuts down. It’s not gone forever. But it goes dormant, remains undeveloped and more likely to be a life challenge in your next round.

Some people who selfishly (or proudly) claim themselves as intelligent people may not understand this deep or well enough especially those with closed inner eye who still have untreated past bitterness plus their closed logic to value and judge things around (whether it is relying on too many depressive quotes through google and many famous writings, well.. well.. well..)

(ZZzzzzzzz..Feeling meehhhh~)

On some levels, I just happened to categorize this year as one of the most suffering year due to a lot of problems (I explained one of the illustrations in my previous post, Collectively Coherent). But during my hardship this year, I have two intriguing dear friend who voluntarily escort me through some calming periods without them noticing how deeply it infused me. Muehehehhehhehe…. :* (kiss kiss to you)

And for that, I must thank God even more other than paying my personal gratitude to them.

The immune girl

One is a girl whom I have known since senior high school. We never talk much back then. We are both bookworms who lend novels to each other once in a while, got lost in touch for a few years until one day I found her at my office lobby preparing herself to come in for an interview.

It’s been 6 years since that day… 😀 I must say it’s been enjoyable to have a long-time friend who is equally stubborn, equally spiritual, equally intellectual and equally argumentative over the years yet still find ways to complement each other. Be it bodo-bodo conversation about guys or about financial world and business analytics approach using McKinsey matrix.

Even in times of difficulties you do need a friend by your side, not to suffer together of course, not someone who selfishly state or think on how beneficial a friend should be in life when he/she is currently in trouble… but someone who is already on the same page as you are, that you may not need too much explanation between each other whilst you are not currently in an open talk situation.

To some awe of it, I received an email from her this July, contained e-ticket to Mataram Lombok that she insisted to me, “Don’t be fussy on how to pay me back for now.. Just join me over here.. ”

There I went on an unexpected vacation, packed my thing, cancelled some sudden invitations to other country too at that time.

And this one is my favorite picture while I was in Gili Lombok :

gili

Apapula lah tujuan poseku ini di bawah plang ayunan Wanderlands?

Haha… Setidaknya untuk melepas sebongkah isi hati yang merindu kepada laut…

Untuk melepas keputusasaan kepada semesta dan terlebih lagi, untuk berjumpa dengan Sang Khalik dalam bentukNya yg lain. 😀

And one thing after another, I remembered again that we travel once in a while not to escape life but for life not to escape us. Well… Deep conversations with the right people are just….Priceless.

The tumultuous girl

Another one is a girl whom I have known since junior high school who constantly look for me in her possible ways even from America. She’s been a lovely person except that she is currently desperate along with her slight ADHD that never cease to annoy me every time she try to communicate through texting (me almost got mad so many times).

Apparently she constantly feels not fit in Indonesia (her own homeland) despite the fact that she’s been falsely proud for having education in USA for years which leads to her self-dispute. For all the things I empathize from her gray view, she’s just currently desperate on so many misevaluations to her low self-acceptance in social health situation.

As to my awe, I get calmer the more I understand on how to handle this little SOS friend. Nothing beats the talk about guys every time I listen to her dramatic story about FALLING IN LOVE with the wrong person over and over, changing one boyfriend to other boys instead of waiting for the right guy.

I have stopped telling her through advice sentences since I’m more agreeable on supervising her in every bit detail she needs to vent (and for that I can only do tarik ulur … I am not always ready to ‘receive’ such energy channel in my daily life, especially from hyperactive person +__+).

Here are several things I can summarize for her, either from personal experience, some knowledge sharing and please be noted that I combined many resources in this post including from Kate Rose. Who knows this can be your insights too, right?

So what is it about love?

I’ve always talk about concepts before but due to many revelations this time around, I must agree on some facts that we may actually fall in love with 3 persons in our life time, each for specific reason.

There’s loving someone, then there’s loving the idea of someone, then there’s loving the idea of loving someone. Only the first is love.

1. Idealistic Love

Often our first is when we were teenager or young adults, in high school or college even that we adore this one as an idea at first. This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.

Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel. It’s a love that looks right.

2. Hard Love

The second is supposed to be the hard one. This is merely the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation. We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. This second can become a cycle over and over again, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before. Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcisstic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this story line, because it’s the emotional roller coaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.

With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should. This one only become the love that we wished was right. (I actually pointed this one to my friend)

3. The one love we never see coming

This is the one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.

We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.

It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.

This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer. It’s the love that just feels right.

Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years. And I do think that the third one are the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way they do or not.

Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.

What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We all have our own choices on how to love whether we want to stay on the second or letting go until the third finally come and transform you for it, isn’t it?

The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after.

The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love again.

Karena tidak ada seseorang pun yang siap. Siap untuk jatuh cinta atau pun siap untuk patah hati. We are just all about on the same page or not to be together.

Now..Why would i write this post? For i am never a hopeless romantic nor a closed romantic one, and will never be any of those as i am just a realist romantic woman, who understand deep enough that my heart will never go anywhere by becoming hopeless and closed.

Collectively coherent 👹❤

Hello peeps. Been a while.❤

I must admit that this blog has some people’s mix story in its content (including mine), mostly packed in one shot post. I’ve been using it as my sources while creating it to entertain my other fellows to reduce stress at work without telling things too much (yes we all do have our own tensions, be it dealing with a jerk at the street or varied corporate politic situation). All of this just show you that 70% of my posts has been written in fiction points of view, based on significant facts in each of our personal life along with the “emang lagi (atau pengen) BAPER” mode along with ups and downs. More likely a contemporary genre using a bit of ghostwriting method.

Singkatnya, kalau mau cengeng ya sekalian jadi cengeng dulu sampai beres ya kawans lalu udah, never fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you back more than you love the person even though that person only know how to initiate relationship without growing it at all (prior utk wanita yang nggak dipupuk hatinya, “bravo” utk gaya komunikasi yg bikin sesuatu makin meaningless, lebih pentingin show off mood di sosmed dari pada properly communicating lambang hasil bitter masa ABG), kalau bahasa kasih dan pertumbuhan mentalnya nggak sama pun yaudah jelas ngga klop, tough lagi kemudian selesai dan naik level, hello new devil peeps!

And due to my current absence on that method  since i move it to other creative process and only for internal reading outside this blog, i decided to release some of my other thoughts-contained-brain-side about work for once in a while, using a factual approach. I’m presenting you about change management methodology, and i do hope my other fellows could understand things deeper as i reconstruct line by line in this post using some resources around me.

So what is our current rule of the game? Simple. Just stability! ❤

the-allure-of-transaprency-and-stability-2-e1435135261149

Many senior executives in companies had a simple stability goal for themselves. Shareholders wanted little more than predictable earnings growth. Because so many markets were either closed or undeveloped, leaders could deliver on those expectations through annual exercises that offered only modest modifications to the strategic plan. Prices stayed in check; people stayed in their jobs; no one got fired; life was good. But unfortunately, things don’t go that way many times, right?

A somewhat ambiguous term, change management has at least three different aspects whatsoever, including : adapting to change, controlling change and effecting change.

Market transparency, labor mobility, global capital flows, and instantaneous communications have blown that comfortable scenario to smithereens. In most industries and in almost all companies, from giants on down – heightened global competition has concentrated management’s collective mind on something that, in the past, it happily avoided: dynamic change. It never get easy peeps. It takes time and a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTT of energy until i must re-think again about energy allocation i have to make in the next 5 years. (T___T)

One poor thing is seeing how some higher positioned people thinking that communication is the same as engagement, while both are actually different in practical ways. Some only dictate people on what should change, without a proper approach towards each individual. –> This happen a lot in every personal life too i must say. Kick that arrogance smoothly!

You must have an intimate understanding of the human side of change management (the alignment of the company’s culture, values, people, and behaviors) to encourage the desired results. Plans themselves do not capture value. Value is realized only through the sustained, collective actions of the thousands of employees who are responsible for designing, executing, and living with the changed environment.

Of course..No single methodology fits every company, but there are set of practices, tools, and techniques that can be adapted to a variety of situations. Using these as a systematic, comprehensive framework, many executives suppose to understand what to expect, how to manage their own personal change, and how to engage the entire organization in the process.

Culture is also very very critical. It gets more important while proposing change management. It even became more critical when the upper level people decide to do some changes accompanied with IT system changing without any significant tools to maintain / develop their human resources. Not enough maintenance in performance management system resulted in more deeper issues whatsoever.

A mutual understanding is a mandatory in retaining their company’s unique values and sense of identity and about creating a culture of commitment and performance. Leadership teams that fail to plan for the human side of change often find themselves wondering why their best-laid plans have gone awry. How ironic, huh?

The impact is clearly shown in three big sectors :

  1. The transformation mechanism –> a significant one always create People Issues. 😐
  2. Consumed resources : Time, people and of course, money.
  3. Typically left with diminished moral, perhaps? or immaturity? (easily blaming each other in negativity for example)

Long-term structural transformation has four characteristics, which are : scale (the change affects all or most of the organization), magnitude (it involves significant alterations of the status quo), duration (it lasts for months, if not years), and strategic importance. Yet the companies will reap the rewards only when change occurs at the level of the individual employee. That is undeniable..! (i am highly exposing on these.)

So..how do we create a coherent environment in order to generate a smooth changing events in progressive ways?  Passive aggressive? Well.. After a lot of evaluation and extensive reading plus brainstorming with other expertise fellows, here are 10 shortlisted principle guides :

  1. Address the “human side” systematically
  2. Start at the top
  3. Involve every layer
  4. Make the formal case
  5. Create ownership
  6. Communicate the message
  7. Asses the cultural landscape
  8. Address culture explicitly
  9. Prepare for the unexpected
  10. Speak to the individual

Some upper people contemplating change know that people do matter. It is all too tempting, however, to dwell on the plans and processes, which don’t talk back and don’t respond emotionally, rather than face up to the more difficult and more critical human issues. But mastering the “soft” side of change management needn’t be a mystery after all…. But then again, implementing all of this is already a challenge itself, isn’t it?

I do hope this post can stimulate you to a broaden knowledge about thriving in dynamic challenges. As for my work case, i can only put ice bag upon my head everyday so it won’t blow up.

I am just currently happier to attain some insights and inserting it to my environment so it could get healthier in reconstructive ways before i made my final decision to move on with my actual life plan.

Kalau kata Master Shifu..”Belum pernah dimusuhin itu belum sempet seru namanya.” Hemmmmmmmmm…….. (garuk-garuk kepala sambil nyengir) wakakak.

Well..Let’s get things done peeps! Banzai!

Owh..and happy weekend, beautiful souls. ❤

vires acquirit eundo

Tak terasa ini sudah menjelang tahun ke-enam. Aku sudah bukan anak kemarin sore lagi yang baru masuk dunia, tetapi sebagai pemain lama. I’ve been ouuuut of the book and being tooooo attached at the real street for long, haven’t i? Ain’t a college idealist anymore. Dan realitaku tahun ini ibarat sedang memandang anak-anak angsa yang baru belajar berenang di tepian danau. Berani terbang pun belum. Ada yang masih senang main air atau pun memang sibuk mangkel sambil ngomel.

Bagaimana tidak? Ketika mengeluarkan pertanyaan sistematis standard seperti “Oke…Jadi kamu sudah tau apa saja tentang Rekonsiliasi System-Subsystem?” dilanjutkan dengan Konsolidasi dll, toh aku hanya dibalas dengan tatapan apaan-itu-kak diikuti muka seram begitu mendengar nama proyek Jackpot ini karena rumor sekantor. LOL. That face!

white-swan

Aku hanya terkekeh sambil menenangkan muka-muka angsa polosan macam anak kuliah penuh teori dan hipotesa ini. Persepsi situasi memang harus diperkenalkan dengan hati-hati agar kondusif saat berjalan. Chemistry dalam bekerja itu ada seni-nya, betul? Dan kalau tidak ada rindu, untuk apa kerja? Sama seperti hubungan.

Well..Setidaknya…Mereka menerima provisi plus transfer knowledge dariku dengan otak yang lapar. Itu sudah jadi berita baik buatku, ditambah aku harus mendampingi bagian jam terbang hingga awal 2017 plus extra tanggung jawab sejak tahun kemarin.

Apa yg bisa diuji dari ini semua? Hasil membangun pola kerjaku! Dites habis-habisan seperti dihajar sejak tahun kemarin di tempat antah berantah, jauh dari pusat kota yg menyediakanku rumah kedua selain Bandung. Jadi…Pressure-nya berasa beneran (setidaknya seperti inilah realita karirku). Saat ini aku sudah melewati masa shock dan beneran panik akibat metode beringas tahun kemarin dari orang lain yang sangat tidak tepat, diikuti uji EQ maksimal di lapangan. Hello new resilience!

Dan dari semua monster ego yg selama ini aku latih di dalam, duh! Tetap saja masih tersisa satu yang sulit jinak seumur hidup, makin dipecut makin takabur dan harus dibantu oleh sosok yang bisa calm-kind-smarty-dominant di sampingku, bukan yang ambekan melulu seumur hidupnya. (-_______-)

Monster apa itu? Monster pola yang sedang lost in sequence, ditambah lagi kalau sedang “jablai” jadinya makin kacau beliaw, bisa begitu. HAHAHA —–> ketawa miris loh ini, apalagi kalau sedang panicked over prolonged situational condition. Jadinya monster jablai beneran!

Lalu untuk hal lain lagi…Apa yg bisa dipetik ulang ketika iman sedang dijatuhkan situasi? Ketika sekedar berharap bukan pilihan strategi yang baik? Ada! Apa tuh? Kalau perjalanan dengan Tuhan itu sama sekali nggak ada hubungannya dengan agama dan segala macam ritual. Yep. Itu perjalanan yang sepenuhnya spiritual. Dan nggak ada yang bisa benar-benar memahaminya kecuali kau dan Dia saja. Catat ya…sifatnya personal dan hasilnya ya… naik level. Won’t go details on this part. :p

Selain itu… tak lupa juga dengan pembimbing baik hati yang selalu sabar dengan kepolosanku terdahulu. Aku tersenyum iseng tiap pagi tatkala berjumpa si Om rewel baik hati yang dulu menyambutku ketika pertama kali masuk gedung ini… Ia cuma bilang, “Ingat ya Non, you essentially work for yourself. Oh, dan untuk orang-orang tersayang juga.”

Well..Sekarang aku jadi tambah paham kenapa ia tak pernah sekali pun bertanya “Why do you want to work for this company?” saat briefing karyawan terdahulu.

Tak lama setelah obrolan dengan Om ini, biasanya aku selalu men-dial 1 nomor utk di-call. Kami mengobrol panjang dan ketika waktu sudah habis, ia selalu menutup dialog sambil berkata, “Lagi sama-sama sulit.. Kamu yang sabar ya ngejalanin di sana.”

Dan aku hanya mengangguk sambil menjawab, “Iya Pa, yang sabar juga ya…”

Aku yang saat ini seperti angsa sedang merebahkan diri di tepian danau. Tak ingin terbang atau pun bermain air. Hanya sedang vakum sembari mempersiapkan encouragement ini itu untuk angsa-angsa lain yang aku haruskan ke tengah danau lalu belajar terbang sendiri karena aku tahu mereka itu mampu, tapi belum gigih. Artinya…Jeburin dulu saja! Jadi apa ya lihat nanti.

And at one point of my life, I figured out what I need is one brave man who understand how to slow me down and stay. Not one who bravely initiate and snap me then just disappear. I’d love someone who pull me away from my computer once in a while and show me that it’s okay for me to stop and just walk slower with him. Together.

Because Love should slow you down and lead you into growing mutual weirdness. Never the opposite.

shw_3

{mengetik random selesai, gausa protes karena sequence yg ngga rapih ya kawan-kawan lol}