Living Chaste

Two weeks ago, me and my friends attended a very interesting topic discussion in Jakarta church community. The theme is “Chastity”.

Their discussion was quite amusing wholeheartedly.

Well, as all of you already know, the first thing we might think for “Chastity” as a word is :

 morally pure (in comprehension towards the sexual behavior of a man or woman acceptable to the moral standards and guidelines of a culture, civilization or religion)

Back to the moment we were in discussion, the group leader asked us in a very bold way, “Do you think Sex is good?”

And I remembered seeing giggling face when the leader answered himself,  “Yeah it is so damn GOOD … if enjoyed at the right moment”

This kind of topic has been very sensitive since I live in Indonesia, a south eastern country with so much conservative ways of thinking among the people in dominant ways no matter how much effort some people put to break through those traits.

My dear mother said to me since I was a kid, “Choose wisely for it may IMPACT your life FOREVER. When you decide firmly to live in chaste, it will be good IN TIME and authentic. Chastity will never be a burden to you my dear.”

I was confused a lot for her words back then. What did she mean by chastity?

After a lot of sharing and brain storming with my dear family and supportive community and friends , chastity could be defined in deeper meaning as this :

“A virtue that DEFENDS love from selfishness and frees us from USING others AS AN OBJECT.”

The easiest example is Pre-Marriage Sex. Do you agree or disagree with it?

Most Indonesian parents taught their children to disagree with it of course, but how conscious are you to state why you disagree? If you can’t answer it clearly, then you were just a driven person by so-called conservative-mind-sets without a strong principal (and could be easily persuaded in some possible ways too).

As for myself, I disagree for it. I always believe that everything will come in the right time if I’m ready to settle down, that  every choice always has its price. It is all up to our freedom to choose.

I remembered one moment when a senior priest told me once in a preaching, “If you are being pressured to have sex, the relationship is already dead. It is over. Sex is not the same as pure love itself. There is no guarantee that he will appreciate you more if he has taken something from you already. Sex is an unseen bond. Be careful with what you choose to give girls. Chastity makes you capable of authentic love. And it won’t end in marriage (that is abstinence), but it holds marriage together.”

I, myself, am not an expert in a relationship thing, never been in one (or never even interested in one maybe?) so I can never truly imagine what kind of so-called-skinship a couple would crave for. And since I was too busy on my own self explore thing through Engineering fields through my college year, I hardly noticed even when I realized I had a crush back then.

Simply saying, no need to be in a rush if you haven’t met anyone yet.

Here is a comforting quote that I always like.

 “There is a place in the heart that will never be filled.
A space
and even during the best moments and the greatest times
We will know it
We will know it more than ever

There is a place in the heart that will never be filled


We will wait

and wait in that space”

-Charles Bukowski-

We all have a freedom to love anything. Falling in love is a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You don’t have to do anything. That’s why we call it “falling” right? We all fools in matters of love but a wisdom may prevent us from falling hard.

Here I enclose my writings with my wish for each of you, in the hope of finding your own path and not getting yourself into the “hard way” of understanding.

I hope my long writings is enjoyable in some way and it bless you just as my supportive family and friends has blessed me so much.


Sunday, July 14th 2013 23:45 PM


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